El Leksyon

Oblong

Sawakas, tao na ako ng Pilipinas, bumoto nako! Nakakagago, nakakatanga, nakakabobo, nakakasira ng ulo, nakakabadtrip… iilan lang sa mga bagay na naranasan ko noong nagdaang eleksyon, dagdag pa ang haba ng pila sa mga presinto na daig pa ang pila sa rasyon ng NFA rice. Himatay dito, himatay doon, putakan dito, putukan doon, sirang PCOS dito, sirang PCOS doon, bilog na hugis itlog dito, bilog na hugis itlog doon. P%^&$# ina, anong tingin ninyo sa amin bobo? Manonood ka ng TV, ituturo sayo na ishade ang bilog na hugis itlog. Boboto ka, sasabihin sayo ishade ang bilog na hugis itlog. Shit, nakakatuyo ng utak, mga betlog kayo!

Ano bang tingin ninyo sa ating mga kapwa pinoy, bobo? Para saan pa ang effort na ginawa ng Batibot and Koko Kwik Kwak Kids? Malamang ay galit na galit na si Kuya Bodjie sa mga katangahang itinuturo ninyo sa mga mamamayan, ang mga botanteng dati ay masugid na tagahanga ng batibot.

May pasayaw-sayaw pang nalalaman, may music video na pati mga preso na walang kamuwang-muwang (wish ko lang) isinabit pa sa kalokohan (dapat pati si Erap sinali at pinasayaw nyo na rin, wala rin namang kokontra), ito naman mga reporter nagpauto, talak na ng talak, katak na ng katak, bilog na hugis itlog, bilog na hugis itlog… Parte ba ito ng modernisasyon at automation ng election, kasali ba ito sa package ng Smartmatic o simpleng hindi ninyo alam ang tagalog ng “Oval” kaya bilog na hugis itlog ang naisip ninyo? Bumalik kaya kayo sa grade 1 nang malaman ninyo na ang tagalong ng “Oval” ay “Bilog Haba”, pwede ring “Oblong” kung hirap na talaga ang utak sa pag-iisip. Isa pa, walang bilog na hugis itlog dahil ang itlog ay hindi bilog na bilog, katanggap-tanggap pa kung sinabi ninyong bilog haba na parang itlog o siguro gin bilog na hugis itlog pwede pa. Mga betlog!

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What’s new?

Noynoy Aquino currently dominates the race for Presidency, if he wins, Villar is quite sure Noy will go crazy. Wanna smoke Noy?

SWS and Pulse Asia conducted a survey about the case filed against them by DICK Gordon. The result, which they conducted in Luzon, Visayas, and Mindanao, responded by 50 million Filipinos believed that: “Gordon will win the case filed against them” = 96%. Because of that, Gordon is now a believer.

Erap is very confident that he’ll win the Presidency. We asked Erap why, and he answered, “after I cast my vote in the PCOS machine, it said Congratulations!”.

Question: Why did the people vote for Noynoy and not Erap? Answer: Because Erap said, “Huwag nyo akong subukan!”.

Question: Villar lost the Presidential campaign, how is he going to recover all the money he spent? Answer: He’ll pull back all the house and lot he gave on Wowowee.

What do you think is the first word that Mar would say if ever he wins the Vice Presidency? $%^& ina mo Binay, asa ka!

Why did Villar lose the election? Voters marked their ballots like what’s shown on the photo below

Voters complained that they didn’t vote for Binay. They thought that Roxas’ first name is “Jejomar”, Jejomar Roxas.

How are we going to call PGMA after she wins the election? “CGMA!”

What’s the advantage of having Noynoy as the President? He’ll remove the tax from Tobacco, and you can smoke everywhere even in public places. Smokers, cheers!

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Epic Fail

PCOS

Days before election day, the country’s integrity of conducting its first automated polls is put in question after mock elections conducted since Monday uncovered the failure of some precinct count optical scan (PCOS) machines to count the actual votes cast. COMELEC is also worried upon losing its integrity, if there are any. President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo ordered the Commission on Information and Communications Technology (CICT) to give technical assistance to the Commission on Elections (Comelec) in fixing the glitches, or at least act like fixing the glitches just to show off. The Air Force offered logistic support to Smartmatic by providing all their air access to ship and transport the compact flash cards on the deadline given. Taxpayers money will cover up the expenses upon the support given by the Air Force to Smartmatic. Luging lugi Smartmatic, kawawa naman.

There are various reports that the machines only count those candidates under Gloria Macapagal Arroyo’s side. Former LAKAS-KAMPI CMD members really regret leaving the party.

What does PCOS stands for?

Below are some of the possible meaning of the acronym PCOS, aside from Precinct Count Optical Scan:

• Plan Came Out Successfully
• President Can Over Stay
• Please Carry Out Secret
• Palace Comelec Outstanding Strategy
• Precinct Count Optical Scam

The PCOS machines are completely reusable; the ballot boxes are detachable and could be a good trashcan.

What happened?

Manny Villar was the first Philippine Presidential Candidate in history to use social networking sites like Facebook for his campaign, it seems like he failed in gathering enough fans on his page. One reason was his fans probably did “unlike” his page when they saw his photo doing breaststroke sa dagat ng basura with a big smile on his face. Do not worry Manny, in case you fail to win the Presidency, there will be a career waiting for you in the Philippine Swimming team. Michael Phelps, if I were you, I’d be alarmed.

Pa hits

Abnoy este Noynoy was asked if he’ll quit smoking, Noynoy answered “maybe” with a doubt, he said that smoking is a hard habit to break and he even admitted that he smokes a lot even when there are kids around him like the photo shown above. He smokes not because of the tension or the stress he feels, he smokes because he’s addicted to it. I wonder why Josh likes his Tito Noynoy so much – do they smoke together? Yari ka kay Krissy! Pag nanalo is Noynoy, he’ll change the Government Warning label in every pack of cigarette – Government Warning: Noynoy kills, Government Warning: Noynoy is dangerous to your health, Government Warning: Noynoy is addictive.

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Leet – Identical Facebook Jejemon Languange

Leet Speak

In the 80′s, hackers started using “Leet” (133t) which means “Elite” on their status, it was also used to identify themselves that they are elite, and expert on various computer stuffs.

Jejemon language came from Facebook, users combined the word jeje and pokemon, as a result, they came up with the word Jejemon to identify such people who tTyfE lYk dDiSz. The origin of Leet speak and Jejemon is different, Leet speak and Jejemon also has different usage.

Online acronym and slang are not considered Jejemon language. For example:

• omg (o my god, o my gosh, o my gulay)
• hax (hacks)
• imba (imbalance)
• nub (noob)
• plox (please)
• wc (water closet)
• wtf (what the fuck)
• lol (laughing out loud, ulol)
• lmao / lmfao (laughing my ass out / laughing my fucking ass out)
• rofl (rolling on floor laughing)
• wtb / wts / wtt (wanted to buy / wanted to sell / wanted to trade)
• gg (good game)
• ks (kill steal)
• seb (sex eye-ball)
• and many more

If you want to convert your Facebook language into Leet speak, follow these simple steps at you own risk.

Step 1:

Find and click the account in the upper right tab of your Facebook page. Once you see the list from the drop-down menu click Account Settings.

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Step 2:

Click the Language tab.

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Step 3:

Pick the Leet Speak in the primary language drop-down list.

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Result:

Voila! Conggggggraaaaaaaaaatulaaaaaaaaaaaatioooooooooons! See and enjoy the changes.

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Note: just repeat the steps to change back your Facebook language into any language you prefer.

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